you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
