Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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