Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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