Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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