Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
