Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
