i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In America we eat man semen.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
