May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
