About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
