twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
