This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
as a side note pls kill me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
