If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
