I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
