i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
a search helicopter?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
