i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
