I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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