did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
