You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
