if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
