dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize