I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
