I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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