i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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