It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
