the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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