please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
