i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Semen is not good for contacts.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
