i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
high people should be assigned attendants
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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