i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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