He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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