Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Couch. On fire.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
