Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
