What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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