I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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