I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
