You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
