textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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