I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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