We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
