I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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