Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
