guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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