I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
