discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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