TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
