just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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