So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
