I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
