We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
