im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
