I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
