Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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