My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
