So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize