1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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