How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
