jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
