Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Mom said you looked used
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
