I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
