You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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