would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Alive.
So much puke
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
