I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
