it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
