i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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