I wish I could punch you in the face.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
