fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize