I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
