I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
