It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
