Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
