turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
