Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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