Need sex. Gaining weight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
