If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
