So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize