Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
