remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
