When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
