not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize