I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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