she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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