She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
