"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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