You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
